self analyzation time -- woo hoo

Why is it that sometimes people assume you are asking for something simply because you mention it?

Or else they assume you are hinting around for something from them?

It's a shame that some people may be so jaded from their previous relationships that they can't take me at face value.

I think most of my past friends and ex's would agree -- I'm not average and I don't think like most people. I am a "What you see is what you freakin' get" kind of person.

I'm the most sincere person I know and I will continue to say that about myself until my dying day.

If there is disagreement there, I wish someone would let me know and say, "Nope, you are actually lying to yourself, girl. You are definitely not sincere and not a "what you see is what you get kind of gal." You're shallow and insensitive and think only of yourself. You don't play well with others. You have hidden motives at all times and are devious, manipulative, and underhanded. You cast schemes every day in order to get what you want and when you want it. Not a day goes by without more plans being concocted in your simple, little mind that only gives you more advantage and control over others and over your fate."

If this is the case and someone has wished to say this to me on more than one occasion, then I truly hope it comes to light soon so I can be privvy to the information and do further self evaluation and correct my crimes before my soul is irrevocably lost to the netherlands...

On a better note, I totally understand how someone might think that about not just me, but society in general because I tend to do the same thing at times...

However, I think my naivete and non-manipulative thinking has gotten me into trouble on some levels, because I tend to think more that others think just like me rather than not ... and I think I might miss some "obvious signs" along the way in regards to people's thoughts, suggestions, motives, and inner-revelations about themselves simply because I tend to take people at face value rather than reading between the lines. I tend to take people as they are and without thinking that perhaps they are saying or doing something because of a deeper, hidden meaning.

Maybe this is a fault on my part, I'm not sure exactly, but I do know it has gotten me into trouble on more than one occasion (with my sister especially, who thinks the TOTAL opposite of myself and who I shall NEVER understand). It also may keep me from knowing the true nature of some individuals, and this, however, discourages me in some ways.

I hate to think that my shallow way of thinking (assuming everyone else is like me, in that if they need something or want something, they will tell me up front and not beat around the bush) has perhaps kept me from forming close relationships with people all these years. Maybe all that miscommunication has been caused by my lack of "finesse" in the social proprieties of "round about thinking and doing in order to get what you want out of life and from others."

And while it discourages me to think that any loss of friendship or relationships I've endured may have been due to my shortsightedness, I rather doubt I'd like to go back and change my lack of insight into the ways other people think.

I like my innocence in that area. I like feeling sincere, knowing I'm being sincere when I say or do something.

However... it makes me wonder about my ability to have the intuition and foresight to be able to be a psychologist.

If I can't understand and foresee human nature in many forms that it presents itself... if I can't see through someone's story... if I can't utilize some intuition about someone's state of mind and motives because I can't see past the tale they are giving me and I am taking them at face value...

there might be a problem there.

This is what bothers me this morning.

If this is the case...

then that sucks.

And that's sad.