scientology has changed even in the last ten years...

I did a paper in college about Scientology. It seems to have expanded even more.

Here's some links:

http://www.modemac.com/cgi-bin/cos.pl

http://www.xenu.net/roland-intro.html

l'm the elephant man

Oral surgery was awful. The kind of stuff nightmares are made of. I have stitches in my mouth that irritate the side of my cheek. I can't eat anything except for applesauce without causing more pain.

I have a huge swelling in my cheek from it that would make small children scream in fear.

Antibiotics, pain med, antimicrobial mouth rinse....

I feel like shit...

and look even worse.

And crying...

just compounded it about five times over.

Here's the thing...

I don't care what anyone believes or does behind closed doors... in regards to religion, beliefs, sexual conduct, etc...

As long as:

A) it doesn't harm anyone, including themselves, mentally or phsyically. (APA definition of abuse here)

or

B) doesn't interfere with someone else's right to their own beliefs or practices.

or

C) doesn't promote discrimination, hatred, or otherewise ill-will against others who do not have the same beliefs, ideologies, or traditions.

These are the number 3 reasons why I don't believe in organized religion persay and why I would never become a member of a church organization. Religion is basically an organization saying, "We are better than everyone else and anyone who doesn't believe like we do are wrong, immoral, and shouldn't have the right to live -- unless, of course, we can convert them, in which case, they might be worth a little something in the long run....."

We thought we were "saving" the souls of the slaves... Hitler thought he was "culling" out the immoral from the earth... and Bush is attempting to cull out anything that isn't white, from Texas, with a third grade education, and Christian.

And now Tom Cruise?

Wow.

Apparently there isn't any room in this country for anyone who doesn't fit into the cookie-cutter image the government is trying to set up for us.

We should all... just throw ourselves into...

concentration camps then?

Hmmmmm.....

After the whole "signatures" from the Christian Coalition thing here in Maine yesterday...

I'm truly thinking that might be exactly where we are headed.

For the first time in my life I am truly ashamed to say I am an American.

Canada is looking better every day...

Tom Cruise as wacked as Bush?

Psychiatrists condemn Cruise mental health remarks
Mon Jun 27, 6:33 PM ET
LOS ANGELES (Reuters) - The American Psychiatric Association on Monday sharply criticized actor Tom Cruise for televised remarks in which he called psychiatry a "pseudo science" and disputed the value of antidepressant drugs.
"It is irresponsible for Mr. Cruise to use his movie publicity tour to promote his own ideological views and deter people with mental illness from getting the care they need," APA President Dr. Steven Sharfstein said in a statement.
During interviews promoting his latest film, "War of the Worlds," Cruise has discussed his deep skepticism of psychiatry to explain his belief in the teachings of the Church of Scientology, founded by science-fiction writer L. Ron Hubbard.
In one such interview last Friday on NBC's "Today" show, Cruise was asked about his recent criticism of actress Brooke Shields for revealing that she had taken the antidepressant Paxil to cope with postpartum depression.
"Before I was a Scientologist, I never agreed with psychiatry," Cruise said. "And when I started studying the history of psychiatry, I understood more and more why I didn't believe in psychology. ... And I know that psychiatry is a pseudo science."
Disputing the effectiveness of antidepressants generally, Cruise said, "all it does is mask the problem." He added, "There is no such thing as a chemical imbalance."
Cruise also singled out drugs, such as
Ritalin, that are used to treat children for attention deficit hyperactivity disorder, calling Ritalin "a street drug."
As "Today" host Matt Lauer pressed the 42-year-old actor on his views, Cruise said, "Here's the problem. You don't know the history of psychiatry. I do."
The rebuke from the APA, which represents nearly 36,000 physicians specializing in the diagnosis and treatment of mental illness, challenged Cruise's assertion that psychiatry lacks scientific merit.
"Rigorous, published, peer-reviewed research clearly demonstrates that treatment (of mental illness) works," the APA statement said. "It is unfortunate that in the face of this remarkable scientific and clinical progress that a small number of individuals and groups persist in questioning its legitimacy."

Ludwig's angina

Alternative names -- Submandibular space infection; Sublingual space infection
Definition -- Ludwig's angina is a bacterial infection of the floor of the mouth. It involves swelling that may block the airway.

Causes, incidence, and risk factors:
Ludwig's angina is a type of cellulitis that involves inflammation of the tissues of the floor of the mouth, under the tongue. It often occurs following an infection of the roots of the teeth (such as tooth abscess) or after a mouth injury. Swelling of the tissues occurs rapidly and may block the airway or prevent swallowing of saliva. This condition is uncommon in children.

Symptoms:
neck pain
neck swelling
redness of the neck
fever
weakness, fatigue, excessive tiredness
confusion or other mental changes
difficulty breathing (this symptom indicates an emergency situation!) Additional symptoms that may be associated with this disease:
earache
drooling

life sucks

Five and a half hours, five x-rays, and five shots of novacaine later....

my root canal was finally done.

Took so long because it couldn't just be a simple, ordinary root canal this time...

oh no...

I had two curved roots. So every time the dentist cleaned out a millimeter of root, they had to take a freakin x-ray to make sure they got it all.

I got new antibiotics, too...

but my throat is all swollen even more this morning....

I just can't fucking win.

little black cloud....

Apparently my little black cloud is still around.

Yesterday I started getting this tickle in the back of my throat around 11 am. By 5 pm, it was a scratchy irritation, by 9 pm I was having a hard time breathing and my throat was all swollen up.

Yup.

Allergic to the antibiotic they gave me for my tooth.

Ended up in the emergency room.

Got prednisone for the swelling in my throat and lungs and a new antibiotic.

I didn't sleep well last night, I think it was the prednisone. I tossed and turned so much the cats were pissed off at me. Just as they'd get comfy, I'd turn again.

This morning I still feel a little crappy in the throat area, but otherwise ok. Mostly tired is all.....

But it's good to know my little black cloud is still around....

Zach and his blog

In case you aren't familiar with the kid I was referring to in my last entry... I figured I should add a link to his blog here:

http://blog.myspace.com/index.cfm?fuseaction=blog.ListAll&friendID=7428306&Mytoken=20050604221047

Also, more information about the camp he's at:
http://guerillawomentn.blogspot.com/2005/06/memphis-gay-kid-imprisoned-in-gay.html

The "Love in Action" Refuge camp is the one they are investigating for child abuse and practicing without a license.... I hope they close them down...

home alone....

Lisa's at a job estimate right now.... she's been a busy girl these last few weeks with her business. I'm so proud of her for getting it off the ground.

I'm still swollen and yucky from my tooth problem. Went to two dentists yesterday... drove around the state most of the day... Augusta.... Waterville... I will probably need oral surgery to fix the one, but we have to wait and see if the antibiotics work to get the infection down.... the other tooth needs .... yes, you guessed it... a root canal.

I spent the day yesterday feeling like shit, driving around, getting xrays done, then came home took a nap, took more pain pills, got sick to my stomach, felt like crap some more.....

Woke up this morning, not feeling much better, but at least I'm not nauseous. My face is all swollen, though, and I'm not sure if I'm going to feel up to going to PJ's tonight for the drag show/ sendoff of Miss PJ (she/he is moving out of state).

Gonna go feed the little baby bird Lisa found in the middle of the road yesterday when she was riding her motorcycle.... the bird's family was squashed on the road and it was all alone, looking for it's mother when she happened upon it. We have it in a shoebox in the bathroom with the door closed so the 10 cats don't get to it. It's chirping up a storm.... I have to go feed it soon. We give it a good prognosis for survival, though.... it has it's feathers for flight already. We just have to make sure it is warm and fed and watered until it can fly away....

One last note.... The boy ZACH, who was recently put into an anti-gay camp in Tennessee.... the government is now investigating because there was such publicity. Apparently the "church" that runs it doesn't have it's license to run any kind of camp. Hopefully we will hear more about this boy and what happened to him. Hopefully justice will prevail and he will get his life back soon. He has a long haul ahead of him, let's hope he has the fortitude to get through it all.

pride fest...

was ok.

Techno music at the pier dance wasn't fabulous.... no live entertainment like last year....not even any popular dance mixes that we actually recognized...

It was nice running into old friends and hanging out for a while, though.

We spent the night in Portland and enjoyed ourselves overall.

I wasn't feeling great all weekend.... apparently it was most likely due to the fact that the root canal tooth that I've been having such problems with is now re-infected.... which isn't cool at all because now it has been closed up from the permanent filling the dentist put in two weeks ago.

Now fixing it won't be very simple, like it was the first three times I went through all that shit... ha ha... not funny at all... three tries it took to get someone to actually finally FIX it...

Now it means oral surgery with stitches.... they will have to go in and cut open my gums and slice out the roots of the tooth.....

I'm so fucking sick and tired of this crap... stupid dentists... if they had done what they were supposed to do the first time, none of this would have happened.

And sometimes root canals go bad...

Well, this one scares me. Not only is it bad, but when my dentist saw it today, he turned immediately around, grabbed his pill bottle out of his cabinet and handed me two antibiotics and a glass of water, telling me to take them right there.

I'm on pain med and antibiotics....again.

I'm depressed and miserable...

again.

I have this HUGE fucking black cloud over my head and I'm trying so fucking hard to keep my optimism up...

but it gets harder every time.....

poor Lisa. Having to deal with me... whiney, in pain, miserable, drugged, and terribly un-sexy...

I hope I live through all of this and my black cloud goes away someday soon.

Pride fest

Tonight we're starting the festivities off by going to PJ's in Augusta, and tomorrow morning we take off early for south portland for Pride Fest! I've been looking forward to it all month.

We went to the one in Bangor a few weeks ago and it ended up being five drag queens on a corner next to a "Got Lube?" table.

Wasn't pretty.

I went last year to the pride festival and to the pier dance so I know it will be a good size and lots of fun.

: )

http://www.paulsadowski.com/birthday.asp


You entered: 7/29/1970

You were born on a Wednesdayunder the astrological sign Leo.
Your Life path number is 8.
The Julian calendar date of your birth is 2440796.5.
The golden number for 1970 is 14.
The epact number for 1970 is 22.
The year 1970 was not a leap year.
As of 6/16/2005 5:00:35 AM CDTYou are 34 years old.
You are 419 months old.
You are 1,820 weeks old.
You are 12,741 days old.
You are 305,789 hours old.
You are 18,347,340 minutes old.
You are 1,100,840,435 seconds old.
There are 43 days till your next birthdayon which your cake will have 35 candles on it.
Those 35 candles produce 35 BTU's,or 8,820 calories of heat (that's only 8.8200 food Calories!) .You can boil 4.00 US ounces of water with that many candles.

Your birth tree is Cypress, the Faithful---
Strong, muscular, adaptable, takes what life has to give, happy,content,optimistic, needs enough money and acknowledgment, hates loneliness, passionate lover which cannot be satisfied, faithful, quick-tempered,unruly, pedantic and careless.
There are 192 days till Christmas 2005!
The moon's phase on the day you wereborn was waning crescent.




------ I was doing GREAT until the fact about my birthday candles boiling four ounces of water....

a funny

The UN conducted a worldwide questionnaire. The question was: "Please give us your honest opinion on how to resolve the shortage of foodstuffs in the rest of the world." This question turned out unsuccessful and evidently difficult to understand:
In Africa, nobody knew what foodstuffs were.
In Eastern Europe, the meaning of honesty was a mystery to many.
In Western Europe, people didn't understand what shortage meant.
In China people didn't know what an opinion is.
In the Middle East, the idea of resolving something was totally unknown.
In Latin America, people didn't know the meaning of 'please'.
In the United States, the concept of 'the rest of the world' was incomprehensible

YMCA

Last night was awesome! I'm so glad Kat and Cindy could meet us there. (Thanx guys -- we had a great time!)

Best part of all (besides watching four men in drag sing, dance, and otherwise look better in a dress than me!) was that Lisa was checked out by more gay guys than I've been checked out by either gender my entire life! LOL

She did look kinda James Deanish last night, with her little black sleeveless shirt, black Carhartt jeans, her tatoos all showing, and, of course, the little "flip" in her hair....

Cute little gay boi she was -- hee hee!

So... if we were dirty dancing and kissing ... then I guess that makes me...

either a straight girl... or a very supportive fag hag!

Love you babe!

resting...

for a few minutes before taking josh to his friend's house to spend the night.

Tonight it's girl's night out -- PJ's for the drag show -- woo hoo!

Spent the day working with Lisa at a job site, putting in flooring and fixing a door jam. Interesting stuff.

Hives are almost gone (fingers crossed), at least they aren't as red and itchy.

I'm going to have a fun weekend if it kills me! I'm tired of the bad-luck syndrome!

: )

bad luck or no luck....hmmm

Had a run of bad luck lately... got sick (finally getting over it a little), my truck broke down (cost me $160), my dentist never sent my paperwork to my new dentist so my tooth is still not completely fixed and has been hurting and started swelling up... yesterday was nice so I went out in the garden and weeded .... and got bit up by black flies even though I put on tons of repellent... but that's not the worst part, although getting bit by those suckers was pretty bad in itself... but no... I can't just leave it at that... I have to go and be ALLERGIC to them... my arms are swollen up with hives and they hurt and itch like a son of a bitch...and I feel like crap and I just want to cry...

Breaking out in hives is usually bad enough... the itching... especially now that it's hot outside... two of them are about four inches around...they really itch... but whenever I break out in hives I feel like crap, too... tired, yucky, achy... I haven't broken out in hives this bad in a while...

That little black cloud that has been following me over my head is now giving me thunderstorms to go with it...

damnit all.... *pouty face*